The Peace In War
by amamour
Summary: James, Lily, and one year old Harry struggle with being in hiding.


Lily's padded feet made little noise as she closed the door and walked down the carpeted hallway. It was only when she reached the stairs that the floor she was walking on began to creek. It didn't matter at that point. She was far enough away from his room for him to hear. She was in the clear. Harry would not wake up to notice her absence.

Harry was just over one year old now and was unfortunately at that age where he was very aware when Lily wasn't in the room with him. If left without her company, he would whine and scream, but when Lily came into view and held him, he would regain his composure.

In Lily's opinion, Harry was a very well behaved baby. He would sleep through the night, play very well with his toys and it was easy to make him laugh. When Lily was out of his sight however, he became difficult. Of course, James was decent at calming Harry down. But Merlin forbid, someone other than his mother or father attempt picking little Harry up.

Not that they had many visitors. Bathilda came around for tea often enough. As well as Mary and there was the sporadic stream of the Marauders through their house. Unfortunately as Harry became fussier, their visitors became less frequent. James was adamant that it was a big problem, but Lily claimed it was just a stage that all babies go through.

"You're just saying that because _you_ are the one he calms down for. But honestly this kid wont let anyone else hold him. Its not normal." said James.

"That's a ridiculous argument. You're holding him right now and he is perfectly happy." Lily pointed out, smirking.

"Besides me and you, who does Harry like?" demanded James smiling victoriously.

"He never gets a chance to spend time with anyone else because we never get to leave this damn house- "

"I thought we weren't aloud to swear in front of Harry." interrupted James conversationally. His eyes twinkled with amusement at the reproachful look on Lily's face.

"That's right, _you're_ not." Said Lily and then continued as though she was uninterrupted.

"Of course he doesn't like to be around other people. If we could just take him outside, he could actually get used to seeing other people. I'm sure he would be a lot better at being with others. My baby is not abnormal." And with that she leaned over and gave Harry a sloppy kiss on the forehead and gave her husband the dirtiest look she could muster. He beamed back at her.

If Lily had been paying less attention to making a quiet exit from Harry's room and more attention to the window above the stairs, she would have noticed it was a full moon. And in turn she would have been less surprised to find James brooding in the sitting room. His forehead was rested in one of his hands and he was staring down to the letter in his lap with acute displeasure.

In that moment everything stopped for Lily. Her breath quickened, her stomach dropped and her palms began to sweat.

"What happened?" She started. He looked up, apparently startled to see her in the room with him.

"Nothing" replied James automatically. But Lily's eyes bore into his.

"James…"

"I.. no. It's nothing. No one has died-" said James earnestly.

Lily let out a deep breath of relief but still tiptoed across that room and sat down next to her husband on the couch.

"what's going on?"

"It's nothing.

"It's _not_ nothing."

"I'm just being stupid about stuff. You don't need to worry about it," replied James curtly.

"Well if something's wrong with you, I worry about it." Lily rolled her eyes. James replied by putting his arm over her shoulders and pressing Lily into his side. She let her arms rest at his middle and looked down at the letter in his lap and read the signature aloud. "Padfoot."

James ever so slightly nodded and bitterly crumpled the letter into his fist.

"Well how is he?" ask Lily tentatively.

"Fine. He was just at 'Mungo's for a few days but he's all better now. He gets to go on these missions every week so he has been too busy to visit…."

"It's good that he's keeping busy," replied Lily optimistically. It was the only thing she could think of to say and yet Lily knew it would not end the conversation. This was only the beginning.

"I haven't seen my mates in over a month. Sirius-I haven't actually gotten to talk to Sirius in weeks. I never even know what is happening with him but he's just like 'oh yeah I've been so busy.' And of course I never have anything new to say. " James supplied bitterly. "And whenever I hear from them it just reminds me of the fact that they are out doing everything and we are here doing nothing. We're just sitting around babysitting." He sighed.

"What else are we supposed to do?" demanded Lily. She automatically pulled away from his touch. Lily decided that she had little patience for her husband. The two of them had this same conversation often, almost every other day. It killed James to sit by and do nothing, Lily knew that, but of course she didn't like it either. However for Harry, Lily would do anything.

"This. I know we're supposed to be here. I'm never going to let anything happen to Harry, or you, for that matter. Its just that-" His voice broke. "I'm not built for this." And James Potter buried his head in his hands, admitting defeat.

Lily softened. It wasn't often in their relationship that she saw James like this. But these past few weeks, Lily had seen much of this sad shell of the former James. It was difficult to think of the right thing to say, and she didn't know what she could say that hadn't already been said before.

Wordlessly her fingers found his and he clutched them. Lily slowly began rubbing relaxing circles across her husband's back and he sank his upper half into her lap.

"I just want things to go back to normal," sighed James.

"What is normal for us?" said Lily.

"Not much," he grinned weakly, "making a scene in Diagon ally because we are fighting over the color we want to paint the bathroom."

"We made a scene because that horrible witch kicked us out of her shop."

"Exactly. Err- taking Harry out for walks in that park we used to go to."

Lily grinned in remembrance, as she traced her fingertips along his back.

"seeing my friends" said James suddenly. The corners of Lily's lips pulled down significantly. It always came back to that.

"I don't know what to be for you." Lily started in a soft voice after much silence. She continued rubbing his back.

"You don't need to be anything for me." he murmured into Lily's lap.

"I just- I know that you used to be so close to your friends, whenever you are with them you are happy and now you rarely see them. Harry and I are not the same I know that. " Her hands were still made deep circular movements along his back but he pushed them away and sat up.

"_Lily," _he said seriously, "of course I miss my friends and of course you and Harry are not the same as them, but do you think you make me _unhappy_?" James demanded, but then didn't wait for a response. He continued, "Because that's bullshit and you know it."

"I don't think we make you unhappy. I just know that you are unhappy, and I-" said Lily quickly.

"This a horrible fucking situation we are in and I can't find a way to be okay with it." He paused, collecting his thoughts.

"A maniac wants to murder you and my son and the worst part is I have to sit around and not really be able to do anything about it. Yes," James confirmed, "this is the worst feeling in the world, but I'd rather be here with you and Harry than anywhere else. You two are my life, and Harry is probably the best thing to ever happen to me- _Are you crying?_"

"No," she mumbled, wiping away a tear and cursing herself. Before all of this about the prophecy, Lily had never been much of a crier but she found that her emotions were so much on the surface these days. It also didn't help that any talk about Harry made Lily melt.

James rolled his eyes looked at Lily knowingly and leaned in to gather her in his arms.

"Don't make fun of me." Lily squirmed.

"I'm not," Softly, he kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, you beautiful blubbering idiot."

This time Lily rolled her eyes. "You always did know the right thing to say girls." But she gave into him.

One kiss became two, and two became more. It had been so long since they had kissed like this. She ran her fingers through his thick hair. Lily realized what had been missing from the last couple of weeks. With her mouth still pressed firmly to his, she inched her hand lower to his waist and began pulling at his belt.

After several long moments of tugging at the belt, full of both bliss and frustration, Lily broke off the kiss so she could turn her full attention to the offending object. James observed his wife and chuckled in the back of his throat. He grabbed his belt with apparent ease and opened the clasp seamlessly.

Before Lily could reward James for his work, he grabbed her roughly and stood up. Lily wrapped her arms instinctively around his neck and her legs classed tightly around his waist. She felt his hardness, and smiled.

Lily gave him a wet kiss on the neck as he began taking her upstairs to their bedroom. They heard the deep groan of the stairs. Once they reached the top step he turned the familiar corner and gently placed Lily on top of their bed.

Their lips met again. He crawled on top of her, and smiled down at her. It was one of those cocky James Potter smiles that Lily hadn't seen in so many weeks. She had almost forgotten about that smile. It filled her was such an intense desire that she reached her hand to his pants and undid the buttons and zipper with ease.

When her hand met his hardness James moaned out in pleasure. Lily giggled stupidly as her mouth pressed into his lips. Then she moved back up to feeling his ab muscles underneath the baggy tshirt, until she was back to just kissing his neck.

"Always such a tease," James mocked as he took control again. He would make her pay for that. Lily's shirt, bra, and jeans were on the floor in record time. Then he slowly pulled off her knickers, taking in every inch of her with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Once Lily was completely naked she grabbed James and rolled him over.

"I'm on top." She decided.

"You _hate_ being on top," James pointed out.

"I do not." she said indignantly.

James rolled back over the bed and positioned himself on top her. "I'll be on top," he said. It was a battle of control, like always.

"Don't you like change?" asked Lily incredulously.

"No, who do you think I am?" demanded James laughing loudly. Lily laughed into his kiss.

The pair suddenly heard a faint cry come from the other room.

"Damn" mumbled James. Lily looked instinctively over at the door but there was no more noise for a few seconds, their wands lay helplessly in the sitting room.

"Harry, stop. I'm trying to get laid," whispered James, and Lily giggled into his chest.

"Shhhh!" reprimanded James.

They waited, tangled up in each other's arms for another noise from Harry's room. At last Lily whispered to her husband. "You be on top, it will be quicker. Go."

"I don't know if I should be offended by that statement or-," said James.

"Hurry!"

James complied.

It was quick. Perhaps it wasn't their best, but sneaking around with James was strangely erotic. It remained her of the times when they were sneaking around Hogwarts together as head students. It reminded her of the man she fell in love with, the man that she was crazy about, the one who laughed too much and didn't let anyone tell him what to do.

"I can't believe we got away with that," panted James when it was all over. "Seriously that's the most adrenaline I have had in a long time, which- to be fair- isn't saying much. But you where brilliant, Potter." He pushed back stray hair out of her face.

As Lily placed her head down upon James chest and as she felt his beating heart she thought about how secure she was here in her husband's arms. Amidst all the chaos of being hunted, the terror of losing everything dear, she felt safe here.

And for a few moments everything in the world was not too terrible.


End file.
